A blonde gets a job as a teacher.
Watching the kids play she notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun with a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
"Are you ok?" she says
"Yes" he replied.
"You do know that you can go and play with the other kids", she says.
"Its best I stay here" he said.
"But why?" says the blonde.
The boys says "Because I'm the goalie"
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Joke of the Day
These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, boy, are these funny!!!
1 Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village some where of an 'idiot'.
5.Your son sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child, beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.
These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They stretch after awhile."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes,sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? OK., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
13. "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
1 Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village some where of an 'idiot'.
5.Your son sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child, beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.
These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They stretch after awhile."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes,sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? OK., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
13. "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Monday, February 11, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The Wedding Dance
I was at my cousin's wedding, when the bride and groom managed to pulled of this dance.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Just Another Blonde Joke
A body builder picks up a blonde at a bar and takes her home with
him.
He takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
"What a great chest you have."
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lb. of dynamite, baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,
"What massive calves you have."
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lb. of dynamite, baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the
a partment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like
that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
after I saw how short the fuse was."
him.
He takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
"What a great chest you have."
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lb. of dynamite, baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,
"What massive calves you have."
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lb. of dynamite, baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the
a partment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like
that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
after I saw how short the fuse was."
Sunday, November 4, 2007
A slight Mis-Understanding
Lulu was a prostitute.
One day there was a raid.
All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation.
Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for.
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting.
Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed.
He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck 'em dry!"
The cop fainted............
One day there was a raid.
All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation.
Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for.
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting.
Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed.
He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck 'em dry!"
The cop fainted............
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Joke of the Day
Lulu was a prostitute.
One day there was a raid.
All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation.
Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for.
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting.
Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed.
He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck 'em dry!"
The cop fainted............
One day there was a raid.
All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation.
Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for.
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting.
Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed.
He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck 'em dry!"
The cop fainted............
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